Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
