also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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