What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
