would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
