she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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