How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Your penis caused this!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
