Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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