No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
