I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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