dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
