when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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