im drinking this country out of the recession.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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