hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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