No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
