this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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