youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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