Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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