quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
