I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
do nipples grow back?
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