no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i came on her dog
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
