i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
