Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
