you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
