Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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