Kiss
Puke
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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