WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Someone signed my nipple.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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