I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my sisters under your porch take her home
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
