This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
