I want to stick my p in your. b.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
