I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Pants are for mortals
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