It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
