i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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