i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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