Do you still have your period?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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