did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize