I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
