im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
