If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
