so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
