Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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