I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
