ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
