First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
