i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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