Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
