just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
