I just gift wrapped bread.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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