Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
