I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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