cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
