Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
