im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
