i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
We got so high we made milksteak
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
