I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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