I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
