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Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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