Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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