Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
