dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
