Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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