I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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