My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
