This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
