i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
