The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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