ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
