He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
