I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
