Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
