yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
