How'd it feel making her break her religion?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
