Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
