Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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