I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
