you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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