What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
